Frozen

I am frozen in place. Stuck. Unable to move. Stationary. And I hate it. I am a mover, have a "gypsy soul," if you will. Wherever I am, I think of other places. I love Chicago, I really do. It is my favorite city in the world. I love it, but I know it; Chicago is not a challenge for me anymore- I can navigate the city by underground, car, bus, or foot. I can do it all. I constantly think about this; I love and know Chicago, so what else is out there? New things. Things that will be challenging and life-changing.

I mentioned my thoughts on leaving Chicago to a friend, and he flipped out; he is the kind of guy who sees nothing wrong with coming to school for four years, and moving back to his hometown to live the same life his parents led. He feels no need to get out and see anything new, and in fact tries to make me feel superior and snobby when I talk about seeing new things. I said something about going to school in Tennessee, and he said, "Why? What's in Tennessee? You love Chicago!" I do love Chicago, but there are things in Tennessee that I haven't seen. There are people I haven't learned from, and a way of life I have yet to live.

I don't know how to describe it, but my whole being starts to itch when I need to move. I am not the kind of person to ever settle down; I know that much about my character. I see myself graduating from college, but not getting a "real" job- I see myself slinging drinks in Key West for 5 months, then writing obituaries in Quebec for 3 months, and stocking shelves with produce in Prague for a while. I don't need a job to feel successful- I don't want to live to work, I want to work to live. Since I was 16 I've had dreams of being starving and poor, writing in cafes, for nobody but myself.

What am I going to do with my life?
I'm gunna get what I want.

peace, love, and ponies.

"Every day is a winding road. I get a little bit closer to feeling fine."
-Sheryl Crow