Call me completely ignorant and naive, or question my ability to be a culturally aware female, but I don't feel competitive among my friends. My "friends," maybe, but fuck them. Until they have the quotes removed, I don't give two shits about them. Maybe I just don't have that gene that cares whether or not somebody is dressed cuter than me; the way I see it, you win some, you lose some. Sometimes you look cute, sometimes you look like a librarian. As for avoiding cookies, I don't. Or chocolate, or wine, or ice cream. And I'll "pay" for it by not being a size 2. I'll be a 12. And I'll feel sexy.
I like my body. I have big hips and big boobs, and I'm curvy and voluptuous and womanly. And that's what girls should want to be: womanly. I honestly really find Nicole Richie and Lindsay Lohan sickly looking. They have the bodies of little boys- what about that is sexy? Sure, they are little and cute, and boys can pick them up and toss them around, but I'd rather be thick than thin. Truthfully. I don't find the bodies of those girls, or Paris Hilton, or Lara Flynn Boyle, or Kate Moss sexy. I like curvy, feminine women like Eva Mendes, Beyonce, and Selma Hayek. They are by no means thick, but they aren't waifish, either. They are sexy and confident and I think that is something to be admired.
On the point of "trying to please the world as an acceptable girl..." Fuck that. Seriously. I don't try to please the world. I don't dress for other people. I wear what I like, even if it's a little bit different. I wear tall shoes, making me even more gargantuan. Because that's what I like. Most days I don't put on makeup. And I don't consider that my forfeiture of trying to meet standards. I consider that my refusal to even acknowledge that standards exist. Because I really don't care what people think of my appearance.
"I've pretty much given up on appearance, simply because I am far too lazy to put in the effort" To this I say:
I once had a job where I got approximately 6.5 hours of sleep a night, didn't put on makeup, rarely showered, wore dirty jeans and plain tank tops all day, every day, and was covered from head to toe in dirt... and I felt more beautiful, both physically and spiritually, each day than I ever have and/or will. I don't care about cultural/societal standards and opinions.
Slenderness doesn't need to become unattractive for women to be at peace with themselves. Confidence needs to be gained by women who are already have so much to give- awareness of sense of self and ability and courage to accept the grandeur of being feminine would surely benefit many.
I don't want to fit into the mold, to be cliche, to meet the standards. I want to break the mold, and make waves, and be different.
peace, love, and ponies.
"Beauty - in projection and perceiving - is 99.9% attitude."
-Grey Livingston
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7 comments:
Let me rephrase:
You are exceptionally confident just the way you are, and I love it. I'm not saying that I bow to every social expectation regarding appearance (have you SEEN me?), I'm just ranting that I - and most other girls I know - feel a constant sense of pressure to look a certain way. Sadly, no matter how many women completely accept themselves, I feel that there will always be that sense.
To throw a whole new realm of twists on this interesting banter, I believe the same thing happens for guys. Look at the stereotypical jock and fraternity boys they are all pretty in a different way, the gelled up hair and big muscles yada yada yada...just an observation..but I'm much to lazy to post about that...and it would be ridiculous.
I also think it has a lot to do with the opposite sex. Women try to impress the guys, not always true but a lot of the time, and the guys go for the girls who look like they will put out, i.e. the "beautiful" looking girls. This is not a problem if you don't mind a guy not caring about personality, but for me, yea looks are nice but if she can't hold my interest in a conversation then I could care less about her.
So I think that you both are right, it is stupid to try and look like a model when you are confident with yourself because that is what a lot of guys like. On the other hand to get that jock to notice you, which all he cares about is getting laid, then yes, appearance matters a lot.
Even though I am a guy I do want to look good so I can attract a girl, but lately i've realized that if she can like me when I look like crap, then we are set (because most of the time I will).
I always tell my friends that I am not attracked to the "frat boy" appeal. I'm just not- guys should be guys, and not worry about their hair product running low, or their pumas getting scuffed up. I want a "flannel-wearing, axe-wielding, wood-chopping manly man." A jeans-and-tee-shirt guy who wants to watch the game on saturday after mowing the lawn. I go to bars and all the guys are decked out, and they repulse me- next time please, less gel, fewer collars, and more man.
As for James' statement that he's set with a girl who still likes him when he looks like crap, I am reminded of a quote that I can't find online, but goes something along the lines of, "You don't want a girl who looks like a stranger in the morning, compared to what she looked like the night before..." or something like that.
If some guy doesn't want to give me the time of day because I didn't curl my eyelashes, or I have my hair in a ratty braid, then I don't want to get to know that kind of person in the first place.
Have you ever noticed that once you get to know people, you can see them as either really attractive, or really unattractive? And when you describe them to people who don't know them, and then they see them for the first time, they are totally confused? For example, I went to high school with this total creep, who was creepy looking and all the moms (who didn't know him) thought he was handsome. Also, I made a friend in college and thought that she was sooo beautiful (also one of the nicest people ever) and upon seeing her picture for the first time, my mom and friend from home gasped out of confusion; they didn't see the beauty that I did because they had never met her.
To the people who matter, your looks last for about an hour. After that, you're a personality.
This is true. The typical college-aged male, however, IS only concerned with you for that hour. He's in college. He wants as much ass as he can get before he's old enough to be considered creepy. I go to college. I am surrounded by this every day, and it affects me. It just does.
Though, as James so valiantly pointed out, there are exceptions to the rule as far as boys go. It would be fantastic if all men were mature enough at this point to value a woman primarily for her personality. Sadly, most of them have not yet reached this level and probably won't for years. You're wondering why I haven't dated anyone since fourth grade? You're wondering why I don't trust men? Look around.
I'm not saying this is right, and I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to counter it by empowering ourselves as women. But considering the talent pool most college females are forced to work with, I can clearly see why girls harbor the insecurities they do.
I WANT to be a personality, I WANT to "make waves" and go against the grain. Anyone who knows me knows that I am and that I do! But sifting through piles of worthless men and desperate, attractive girls while battling my own demons AND waiting FOREVER for the people who matter wears on me from time to time.
Can ya dig it?!
fuck yes ali kelly. fuck yes.
ps. beyonce is hot. so are you.
xoxokmfp
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