I am aware of every single moment, I am aware of every single step I have taken, and I give thanks. I know who I was and that which changed me into who I am. I cannot pinpoint the exact moment in all cases, but I can point to the summer of 2006 as the revolution that turned my being upside down. I know who I was last year, and when I was 16, and who I now am at 20. I am so thankful for the opportunities that I have had that lent a hand in shaping the girl I am today. I am happy for my past, happy for all that happened in it, and happy for its passing- I have no regrets and don’t yearn to return to it. I have been 16, I have been young, and I know what it is like. I am aware that I am between two huge phases, floating somewhere between girlhood and womanhood, and I rest easily knowing that my youth never has to pass. For me, youth is a state of mind, as my mother has shown me throughout my life. I am in a beautiful place where I can look back at my childhood, and take what I thought was good about it and use it to propel me into a divinely aware future. I look back at the past with feelings of affection, and toward the future with relaxed anticipation.
I recognize the blessings in my life, and I think that this ability is what allows me to find such comfort and happiness. At twenty, I give thanks daily for the things in my life that I don’t consider myself worthy of. I am graced with so much, but I consider the greatest of these graces to be my recognition of them. I have realized that the key to being happy is the awareness of your everyday comforts; a drawer full of socks, a candle to burn, a book to read, sidewalks leading to anywhere.
Last year I found myself overwhelmed by my love for the city- the emotions that flared often were a testament that I was in the right place. The slightest event- giving directions, feeling the sun on my shoulders, a warm mist in early spring- could trigger a feeling so deep in my belly that I would be inspired to stop, close my eyes, and tangle myself up in the moment, vowing to remember it. This year, though, the feeling of contentment is hundred-fold, as I have learned how to love, live, and see the moments though thankful eyes. I love the moments, as well as appreciate the opportunity to live them. When life finds you easy to please, you have found an easy life; a life full of everyday triumphs and celebrations. And perhaps these triumphs and celebrations are small, but how we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives; and wouldn’t a triumph and celebration each and every day lead to a triumphant and celebrated lifetime? The future is inevitable and will eventually come, so I refuse to let the certain dilute the glory of the present. I used to hear sayings and phrases, warning that the lack of recognition of the minute in which you stood would cause you to waste your life away concerned with the future, and I wanted to have the mindset that was being encouraged. And somewhere along the way from driving down Camp Road for the first time to walking down Michigan Avenue for the hundredth, I realized that I was finally aware of the chaotically bewitching allure of the here and now.
Peace, love, and ponies.
“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
-Annie Dillard
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2 comments:
That was fabulous. You are talented. I'll write children's books, you can write big people novels.
Don't you love to write?! Blogging has rekindled my love for the written (typed) word.
I do. And it has.
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